complications

does life automatically come with problems,
or do we simply love to complicate life?

good intentions can be twisted and warped into malice.
something so simple may be perceived as having hidden intentions.
while acts of concern may hide ulterior motives.

nobody is innocent.

everybody's waiting for you to breakdown
everybody's watching to see the fall out
even when you're sleeping, 
keep your eyes open.

the world's a vicious cycle.
we trust, we hurt, and we sometimes choose not to see, hear or feel.
sometimes we care too much, think too much.
but we're only human.

_________________________________________________________________________


dinner at changi city point's spaghetti goemon.
been craving it for some time and i finally managed to psycho jh, bowei and jx t go with me.
verdict? disappointed.

its not my first time at spaghetti goemon; i've had it at the citylink mall's branch. twice at least.
the food there was awesome max, but apparently they didnt meet standards at CCP's.
they actually changed the menu too. my favourite cheesecake isnt available anymore ):
the pasta was kinda hard, and dessert was just gross.
you'd think nothing could go wrong with mango pudding but they proved tt wrong :x
plus service sucks.

so nah, if you ask me, i'd rather travel further to enjoy my food than go back to CCP's.

_________________________________________________________________________

sometimes hope is required to keep you going,
but there are some things that i simply dont even dare to hope for.
because knowing that it can never happen, just kills me.

change

if happy ever after did exist,
i would still be holding you like this.
but all those fairytales are full of shit.
one more stupid love song; i'll be sick.

isnt it weird how life can change in an instant?
one stupid action is enough to wipe out and flip my week around.

i'm brilliantly stupid like that.

Battlefield by Jordin Sparks

Don't try to explain your mind
I know what's happening here
One minute it's love
And suddenly it's like a battlefield

One word turns into a war
Why is it the smallest things that tear us down?
My world's nothing when you don't
I'm not here without a shield
Can't go back now

Both hands, tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
Why we gotta fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like

Can't swallow our pride
Neither of us wanna raise that flag
If we can't surrender then we both gonna lose
What we had, oh no

Both hands tied behind my back with nothing
Oh no, these times when we climb so fast to fall again
I don't wanna fall for it now

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

We could pretend that we are friends tonight
And in the morning we'll wake up and we'll be alright
'Cause baby, we don't have to fight
And I don't want this love to feel like

A battlefield, a battlefield, a battlefield
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield

I guess you better go and get your armor

I never meant to start a war
You know I never wanna hurt you
Don't even know what we're fighting for
(Fighting, fighting for)

Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?
Why does love always feel like a battlefield
A battlefield, a battlefield?

I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor
I guess you better go and get your armor
Get your armor

Why does love always feel like?
Why does love always feel like?
A battlefield, a battlefield

I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for
I never meant to start a war
Don't even know what we're fighting for

conflicts

when intentions collide
when lines are crossed
when borders blur
when directions are no longer valid
when you're feeling lost.

what do you fucking do?

when life gives you lemons

no one ever said life was easy.
everyone will face problems, dilemmas and situations.
but its really how an individual would react, which defines how their lives are going to be.

a positive reaction is to face the challenge and try overcome it.
telling yourself that you'd have to tackle this problem and nip the root in the bud.
thinking of the possible solutions and choosing the best option.
you will never know, cause miracles may happen (:

sure, there is a possibility that you might fail.
but at the very least, you are able to look back and tell yourself you've tried your best.
everything happens for a reason,
and failure is often the best way to learn.

ask for advice, but listen to your own heart as well.
never ever follow blindly, because ultimately the decision should be your own.
its never right to blame others for the outcome, if it turns out to be undesirable.

keep calm and think.
people can be your listening ear, but never your punching bag.
they are not the source of your troubles,
they are offering you support. so they dont deserve verbal abuse.

the worst way to handle, is probably to run away.
avoidance is never the answer; often, matters are made worse.
and it only goes to show how weak you are in the face of adversity.
you will never learn, and you will never improve.

thats when you feel life is pointless, unfair and not worth fighting for.

so keep on keeping on.
remember that no one is born unlucky, no one is born with all the knowledge in the world.
we learn from mistakes and experiences.
we learn how to handle what life gives us.
we learn how to find ourselves.

we learn how to make lemonade! :D

ORD / LEAVE LO

14th september 2012, important day for both me and ahpok ! :D
okay for me not so much, just that i finally start block leave! and finish exam. hehehe.
its been a long while since i've not had to juggle both responsibilities
and i've been looking forward to my rest day for soooooo long.
i think i deserved it :B



penguin + chick nails to celebrate my block leave! CUTE RIGHT .

but yeah lets move on to the main highlight; ahpok's ORD!

we agreed to meet outside his camp, but i left out the fact tt i'd be driving there.
ever since i got my license he's been joking about me fetching him.
kinda impossible cause my family car is an OPC, and i usually have work.
but today's an exception (:

AND OMG I FREAKED OUT TRYING TO GO THERE.
i dont like to drive on expressways cause they look almost the same.
and i have this fear of cutting lanes, and even worse, missing the exit wtf.
-shudders-
i'm quite happy driving around small areas at the moment, thank you.

waited quite awhile for his paperwork to be done. and by awhile i meant 1 hour plus. :x
but its worth it cause his bloody epic drop jaw expression when i honked at him, LOL.
thats why i love surprising people cause its fun to see their reaction.
and of course, that burst of sudden happiness can really brighten a gloomy day. (:

when he happily showed me his pink ic, plaque and testimonial,
really at that moment its like HELL YEAH ORD LO.
ahpok i know my expression didnt show much cause i was focused on the road LOL.

often, many people say that relationships are unable to withstand the test of NS.
due to much time apart and maybe changes in character.

for us i guess it was relatively easy, cause i'm lucky to be a storeman's girlfriend HAHAH.
and we've never been those kind of niam ti ti couples so i guess its not bad.
the only time i really did miss him hell lots was during his field camp.
totally no contact, and the thought of him in a jungle is just damn worrying.
ahpok is super blur and a directional idiot, so my worries are valid lor! :x

but he came back safe and sound, v thankful for that. (:

though his vocation as chef storeman at CTP functions platoon was quite lepak,
i'm proud of him cause he took pride in his work.
to the extent that he earned an outstanding testimonial from his superiors. :D
he never once complained about how being a storeman wasnt a big deal,
he just did his job like he was supposed to, sometimes even going the extra mile.
like seriously, his encik can call him on his off-day, just to do menu design. ._.

and for that i'm glad that NS didnt twist my bf's character, unlike some people i've heard,
but instead showed me how dedicated he can be to his responsibilities (:
as a matter of fact i think his character has changed positively,
and i'm glad for that.

14th september, ORD LO ! :D

musings

sometimes i amaze myself.

terrible week at work, with every morning hitting past the 250 mark.
on top of coping with the patients, i now have to do the admin stuff as well. :/
which is only after the patients have cleared, and usually eats into my lunch time.

and today, September 7th, whoohoo to us, we finally officially hit the L300 mark -.-
seriously in my one year i have NEVER EVER seen 300. never.
its simply too crazy.

and i dont even want to think about tmr.
Saturday is usually the busiest day of the week, but judging by the trend...
i'll be glad if i can leave by 12.30.

but yeah, moral of the story?
i myself wonder why i stick to my job even through this shit.
me and my colleagues joke about throwing our resignation letters, flipping tables,
or packing up and leaving when the patients start bitching and the waiting Q numbers get too high.
my blood pressure is in proportion to the numbers, LOL.
but yeah, i really dont know why i never thought of giving up.
like there isnt once where i've considered resigning at all.

why ah?

-serious reflection in progress-

cause i depend on this job to fund my degree?
cause my colleagues are awesome and i cant bear to abandon them?
cause i like the stability of being familiar with the environment around me?
cause i appreciate the convenience of my workplace?
cause i like helping patients?

okay cancel the last one out.
i love the feeling when i know i've managed to help patients
especially the elderly, and those appreciative people i've met (:
but i dont actively try to help every single one i meet cause some are just downright fucked up.
so yeah i dont think i'm actually considered a good samaritan yet. HAHAH.

what do i stand for?

my shoulders are getting heavier :(

finally allowing myself some time to blog !
need some place to rant before i actually blow up.
its been a really stressed up and screwed up past 2 weeks, with this week being the worse ever.

work's a bitch
responsibilities are increasing and i'm trying my very best to cope.
hopefully i can adjust and get used to being entrusted with stuff. :/
its not easy transiting from a junior to being expected to know almost everything in such a short while
like within 1 month? !@#$%^

and it sucks to have a stupid temp from geylang who is so weirddddd.
in front of patients she says stupid things which leave a bad impression of the lab.
e.g. "uncle ah, you be careful ah, i scared i poke you"
      "wait ah i better check, scarly they make mistakes"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME, it is our job and responsibility to be careful.
you dont tell the patient to watch out for your mistakes !
you're causing our patients to not trust us and insulting our professionalism -.-
best part? she has more than 15 years worth of experience under her belt and still saying such rubbish.
and omg i even have to tell her to help process samples wtf.
if not she's just sitting there, not doing anything -.-

today was most extreme, the phlebotomists were so damn slowwwwww.
i ran round like a headless (naked) chicken, trying t do fingerpricks and give results, and omg.
i had set up a makeshift phlebotomy station in the ecg room to clear patients
yeap, its that bad. *pulls hair*

and i feel like i'm lagging behind in studies.
cause i'm forever tired and not able to focus :(((((

but i will try my very best (:

anyway, just got back from jazz's 21st celebration at mbs, her parents booked a suite for her :o
i finally got to meet ruiting! havent seen her since her own 21st in feb.
kinda awesome to catch up with her, miss those times where we walked home after dance (:

and met some of my sec 4 classmates, who havent seen me since 4 years ago.
most of them didnt even recognize me; case in point, one of them whom i knew since sec 1.
he was right in front of me and did a double take when realisation hit.
its kinda funny, but its like, at tt point, i know i've indeed changed alot since 4 years ago.

but hey, change is good.
it allows you to hide from people you dont wanna acknowledge either, LOL.
example, another sec 1 classmate, whom i really really detest,
her character is super authoritative,
but main reason was cause she kept psycho-ing me to join her church.
and when i rejected her countless times, she actually accused me of not having time for God.
BITCH PLEASE I'M NOT EVEN A CHRISTIAN. ever heard of free will?
super dont like people who are overzealous about religion and keep trying to convert people -.-

anyway my point is, she did look at me few times in the eye,
but she didnt know how t cfm my identity, heheh.
BUT eventually she still did find out, by nudging minyu and asking in a very fake manner.
"eh eh, your friend v v v familiar eh, she's the who who who ah?"
and then she patted my back and said "its good to see you again after so long"
so fake please, even minyu also felt tt she wasnt sincere. bwahah trust the bystander :D

but yeah, apart from suprising and avoiding people,
most of the time was camwhoring and getting interviewed. :D

and sometimes, i like being asked about what i'm doing.
its such a sure-ask topic and the best polite question either,
but in some sense, it gives me the opportunity to reflect back on my achievements.
its like they're asking me what i am proud of, to be who i am today.
and i'm glad tt there is at least something to my name,
which is the ability to juggle work and school, and my vampiric ability :B.
and that i know where i'd want to see myself achieve.

one classmate commented on how long i havent seen them, and said that i got lost.
THIS IS ANOTHER BITCH PLEASE.
same guy who randomly called me when i was in year 2 , and asked if i wanted to go clubbing -.-
same guy who asked me which poly i wanted to go when we got back prelim results.
was so pissed i told him, I am not lost. I simply chose to leave and go a different direction.

seriously i'm ashamed to admit i came from ahs.
the mentality there is fucking screwed up. go JC is natural, go poly is fail.

WELL, LOOK AT ME NOW.
I dont feel like a failure, cause i know i'm a fighter. (: