tiring day at work.
encountered some totally shitty customers but some nice ones too.
sang retarded songs to coconut while scrubbing plates.

shurabayapon~ :D

overall, the same old routine.

he got pissed today at himself.
but i hope he'll feel better tml, after my effort to surprise him (:

was late for lecture again.
i've nvr been early or on time yet for this sem.

so sickening.

anyways, slacked at pasir ris for 2hrs plus while waiting for human wheelbarrow event.
ate lunch, walked arnd. blah blah blah.
shirlee accompanied me, cuz we wanted to change the concession card.
but whatthehell, so waste time.

cuz the concession card, school will auto change for us. =="

*rantings from now onwards.*

human wheelbarrow event was completely disorganised.
TPSU didnt give ASc clear instructions at all.
yet they had the gall to complain tt our OLs arent doing our jobs.

for goddamn mother fucking sake.
how to do stuff when they dont bother to even tell us?
always directing us to wrong places and then screaming at us for it.
i asked for help, and when directions finally came. it came with attitude.

why the fuck are you even screaming at me sia.
your people ask me to move to this side.
i move, i see no people. you come and scream at me and tell me its the other side.
FUCK YOU. YOUR PEOPLE GIVE WRONG INFO MY FAULT?
TPSU damn tua kee mehs.

turnout for the event was quite poor.
honestly saying if i had a choice i wouldnt go.

but still, if you had wanted to leave cuz its pointless and your freshies have all left,
why didnt you just say it larhs?
like i'll goddamn fucking force you to stay there.
you've known me for 1 year alr sia.
not as if i'll get pissed if you tell me the truth.
not as if i'm like still in-charge of anything at all.
SORRY IF I MADE YOU FEEL LIKE I WAS FORCING LORHS.
BUT I AM PISSED CUZ YOU LIED.

and i was just bloody hell passing on a msg.

ANYWAY.
stayed behind to cheer on for the freshies taking the endurance challenge.
went high with the rest of the officials there.
all the way even after dinner and on the bus okay !

that was like the only highlight of the event, lawls.

trying to get photos from eric.
who is also trying to get me to sign up for facebook so tt i can just kope frm there. LOL.

let me just end off by emo-ing.

today marks the official end of orientation.
it was sucky, it was fun, it was stressful.
overall still a good learning experience. (:

but, after today i just intend to fade away into the backgrnd again.
back to the quiet times before all these crazyness started.
i'll just focus on him and family and work.

i wont even think about ASc anymore after AY officially ends.
why? bcuz there is no point running for main comm.
my friends dont even respect me enuf to tell me the truth, just as a friend.
not to mention the others who dont even know me.

to them, i'm just someone who hasnt made any contribution to ASc.
except for weekzero, which everyone has done their part for too.
so what have i actually done?
its just nothing much. nothing more.

to the others who think i can make it,
just thanks for thinking tt i can. thats all.
i cannot promise you tt i will and can run.
bcuz there is no point in doing so when no one supports you though you're working tgt.
bcuz there is no point in doing so when no one wants to give honest feedback.
bcuz there is no point in doing so when all odds are against you.

there is just no point for me to continue.

special note.
<3 shirlee for accompanying me for 3hrs.
<3 dakota for zi-highing with me today.
<3 jason helium voice for treating me ILT.
<3 eric for photos.
<3 rachel for leaking out 2 secrets in 1 sentence. LOL.

gahhs. this is pure sickness.

my lappy has been giving me problems these few days.
its screen keeps flickering.

maybe its the coconut curse ;x

anyway, i've to like send it for repair , and earliest i can get it back is monday.
LIKE !@#$%^ !

so, MIA for the weekend and probably longer, people. ):

not sending for repair till monday.
cuz i'm checked with lenovo and they arent even gonna work on the during the weekend.

so why shld i send it in on friday?
pointless.

went out with liying and coconut today :D

had sakae sushi, whoo.
left feeling damn pampered sia.
4 cups of chawanmushi , 1 bowl of cha soba , and fried tofu !
plus sushi , but not quite alot of it though.

liying couldnt believe the amt i could chow down. ;x

slacked at starbucks, had 3/4 cup of whipped cream with chocolate powder and green tea .
sounds gross and disgusting. but it was nice too okayys !

camwhored awhile, windowshopped too.
fun but honestly, i was still feeling drained and tired physically.

photos shall be put up soon. ;D

yet another slack day.
missed APEL2 cuz the buses were late and i was feeling too broke to hail a cab.
alvin poh is not worth my $8 anyway. ;x

had lunch with A9F2 at bizpark today. chicken cutlet !
my throat wasnt feeling well, but heck.

thats the only thing edible.

only intrsting lesson today was understanding theatre.
like. no lectures and just homework for reflection.
and we got to talk and move arnd and all tt.

plus, 7 people from weekzero are in my class too.
ivy cheryl qai firdaus akmal bryan. whoo.

much much better than MGen, where i still fell aslp once the tcher started talking.
i swear, the videos teach much better than he does. ;x

since coconut voiced out alr, i'm nt afraid to show what i feel.
i didnt mind getting neglected , i didnt feel jealous tt you were closer to her.
i mean, we see each other nt tt often.
cannot expect you to only have us arhs.

i just didnt like it when you came to us only when you had problems. ;x

the truth is, you neglected nt only us, but so much more just cuz of her.
you neglected your family
you neglected your studies
alot of those who cared abt you were v v worried abt your attitude change.

at least, i hoped you've realised it now.
she may be a fun friend to hang out with.
it might be really enjoyable and relaxing with her.
but, there is something called too much of a good thing.
focusing all the time and money you have on 1 person isnt correct.

of course, we aint saying tt you shld cut off contact with her too.
its just time and people management you know.

and of course, you're still my ahxiao.
8 years and still running (:

officially the start of year2 today !
its not really much different, except for the new faces tt i see around.

wth, levon's my clsmate now larhs !
she tt day still tell me probably different class.
i dio stun when i saw her siaa. ><

oh. wayne and zul are in TG02 as well.
plus the rest from A8G3. qai, syad, elora, hwaleong.

and the rest just look like strangers. ;x

ANYWAY. i was like waving to people quite alot uh.
dont know why oso, damn high.

and there are alot of people from dakota arnd tt i havent realised are in my cohort.
like zizheng , faris. i nvr realised tt they were in BIO.
always thot they were seniors or from some other courses before i knew them ;x

went out for lunch with sok and shirlee.
had my bbt craving. but not d_____ smoothie. !@#$%^

been quite long since we've done that. and probably lesser next time.
cuz our lunch hours dont really coincide; we only can have tuesday lunch tgt.

but ohwells. there are still weekends. (:

AND. i fell asleep during MGen lecture larhs.
i cant believe it, first lecture of the AY and i am alr sleeping.

okay actually. i can believe tt.
this subject is so goddamnit freaking boring.
the lecturer speaks in monotone too.
v paul cheong like cuz he took 1hr to finish introducing the subject.

and FPATH. thot tt was the only subject we could still take as a class; A8G3.
how wrong. its purely 100% e-learning !
no face-to-face lectures or tutorials.
not even before term test, like whatthefuckzxzxzxzx.

how the hell am i supposed t be motivated to research on my own. =/

went t tampinesONE after school with mini zkm.
both our first times going, tts so noobshit.

but what to do sia. only now then i have the time .

saw alot of people there, including YINGQIAN.
omg only ytd i was talking t her in maple.
about seeing her tt time at city link. LOL.

bus-ed home, fell aslp on his shoulder.
and even after he got off, i continued slping till i missed a stop.

DAMN. i'm becoming piglike.

weekzero is finally over. and i had 15hrs of sleep today :D

through the whole process of orientation, there was alot of blood, sweat and tears.
but i enjoyed it. cuz it has given me an experience i wont forget.

dakota may not have won the best LT award,
but you guys have been the best to me throughout.
thru OLTC, thru LT deco and finally, thru weekzero.
everything has been fun with you guys <3

i wun forget all those crazy videos we've watched and laughed at.
i want nobody nobody but you ~ :D

plus anil clap. ivy clap. ismail clap.
and the ever classic dakota clap by louis chin.

not forgetting to thank the main comms.
xunxiang boss, for guiding me thru OLTC. though he sucks when he drinks durian bbt ;x
eugene, for helping me thru OLTC and weekzero. and burping. and trying t run away. ;x
nadiah, for being such a great FA for dakota. without you, dakota wouldnt be t same. (:
grace, for being an awesome programme head. and comforting me when i cried. (:
jason, for organising weekzero and stressing us out. and his helium voice. ;x
rachel, for providing us food. and being my bus partner. (:
janson, aka ahpek. for being the OLTC log head and bua-ing me with soap. ;x
eric, for all stuff you have designed and done for us. esp the dakota shirts. (:
jordan, crystal, zhenhan, sharon, chongseng, zishan, for helping out during OLTC. :D
peckgee, for helping out in log. and being a great mortal for me ;p

also to mention, clarissa and grace chan.
they've taught me alot as well, and clarified alot of doubts for me.

lastly, all the officials from weekzero. the OLs , loggers, helpers.
weekzero 09 wouldnt have been possible without you guys. <3

edit ;
i forgot to thank someone who has been supporting me silently !
tt's my family, esp mini zkm and coconut.
they've been the ones bearing the brunt of my attitude prob sometimes.
and they've been the ones there for me too.
LOVE YA <3

week zero so far has been great (:

freshies were quiet at first, and it took some time for them to get hyped up.
no choice uh, doing admin. and i was still half asleep. ;x

anyway, most of them are okay right now.
only some of them are quiet during cheering, but they still do take part in games.
so i guess thats okay.

ystrday final clash, was good to see dakota enjoying the game.
i got to interact with the classes too .

but there was smth sucky tt happened too.
dont want to elaborate. its settled and done for anyway.
but i still feel bad . =/

ANYWAY. tml's the final day; TP regatta !
there's no olympiad this year though.
just some mass dance competition shit.

grace informed me last minute tt i have to lead the freshies during the competition cheer.
sucks sia. i dont know if i can shout anot.
and and, i scared i ganjiong forget the cheer ! ;x

week0 starts officially in arnd 5hrs.
all our hard work, this is the final hurdle.

ganbatte, all officials.
especially the week0 organising team. <3

i made him wait 5hrs for me.
such an ungrateful brat i am.

my parents are the absolute jerks.
they are so damn bloody hell unappreciative of whatever jinghui has done.

which is hell lot more than i have been contributing.

she's been designing their name cards.
she's been printing their posters.
she's been giving them out under the hot sun.
she's been going to work almost everyday.
washing plates. wiping them dry. preparing the raw food. dealing with fucked up customers.

and yet, just because of a little cock up she did, they have to wipe away her credits.
just because she laminated ONE GOD DAMN NOTICE WRONGLY.

MUST EVERY FUCKING THING BE AS ORIGINALLY PLANNED?
SHE DIVIDED IT INTO TWO, INSTEAD OF LEAVING IT WHOLE.
SAY WHAT. CANNOT SLOT IN, WILL FALL, ETC. ETC.

CANT YOU FUCKING PASTE THEM SEPERATELY INSTEAD?
MUST YOU INSIST ON PUTTING THEM TOGETHER INTO ONE FUCKING FOLDER?

its just a GOD DAMN NOTICE.

I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY BOTH OF YOU HAVE TO SCOLD HER.
I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND WHY ONE MISTAKE TO YOU,
MEANS THAT EVERY SINGLE GOOD SHE'S DONE IS GONE.

FUCK YOU GUYS. seriously.

settled. so dont ask me what happened alr arh ! (:

went around reading random blogs; people back from ahs.
abit nostalgic.

seeing people still meeting up for class outings, chalets.
seeing tt there is at least one person they've kept in contact with till now.

i realised that i have moved on without any holding back.

not saying tt i dont need them or dont bother abt them anymore LAH.
but graduation didnt seem that painful like then.

honestly saying. i have never felt involved in anything back in ahs.
biggest woah was ahsdancesociety performances.
spending time with the gayshits was damn fun. (:

but other than that, i dont find many many memories that i cannot let go of.

i kinda miss my classroom, yes.
but bcuz i no longer have a classroom to call my own now.

i miss the times i've spent with pb and danicia.
though now both of them arent on talking terms and neither am i with one of them.

one thing i definitely do not miss was the lack of confidence i had.

back in ahs i was only loud with my friends.
i didnt socialize much. so people tended not to rmb me unless i was in their classes.
heck. even some of my classmates dont recognise me alr.

like tt day, jeremy foo was like. directly opposite me at the bus queue.
he was facing me like 80% of the time but there wasnt any spark of recognition. hahas.

maybe i've really changed.
but i dont think its only in terms of outer appearance.
its the inside as well.

i've grown stronger, more independent. though i know someone still thinks otherwise ;p
i've grown more confident.
i've learnt to trust myself more, and stop doubting myself.
i've learnt to love myself more no matter how people look at me.
i've learnt to respect myself by ignoring pointed negative comments.

what doesnt kill you only makes you stronger,
and you emerge a much better person out of it.

so cliche, but really so true.

back to reality.

OLTC did put me through alot of heartaches and headaches.
but i pulled through in the end.

so i have to stop being afraid and start taking first steps.

week0 orientation. ELEVEN MORE DAYS.

the mental barrier is there alr.
i really dont know if i can do it anymore.

whenever i think back to day 4, i cant help but feel scared.

i know everyone is comforting me and assuring me,
why are the people closest to me not understanding how i feel?

my parents think i'm idling my time away in school.
they think i am slacking and having fun.
they question where i really go when i stay overnight.

cuz they think its too frequent to be real.

and, i am really sorry i dont have time for you anymore.
i dont want to make too many empty promises..

too many..

i pray that i have the every bloody ounce of strength to carry thru week0.